Relationship Reflection - Healthy Boundaries, Balance, and Self-Awareness

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships. As humans we crave connection. It's important to consider how these connections are impacting you.

Set boundaries.

These can be physical, emotional, sexual, financial, etc. Unhealthy boundaries might consist of allowing others to define your worth, feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings, or doing something that makes you uncomfortable to make someone else happy. They blur the fine line between interdependence and independence, often disregarding individual values or intentions.

Healthy boundaries might look like maintaining personal values even if they don’t align with the other person’s. Don’t be afraid to say no to something that doesn’t feel right. Don’t be afraid to say yes to something that does. Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. Ask for space when you need it. Ask for help when you want it. Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships creates a balance between you and the other person. 

Be mindful of what you want, what you’re getting, and what you’re giving.

Do these all align? Take a moment to reflect on your relationships. What is suiting you? What is serving you? What do you want from this relationship? This isn’t to raise unrealistic expectations or say that relationships are only valuable if they produce exactly what we want. They’re often about finding balance. If you are giving so much and getting nothing in return, is it worth it?

Be okay with ending toxic relationships.

It is OKAY to remove someone from your life that is harming you or isn’t giving you what you want/need. Ending any sort of relationship can be challenging. Some require more direct confrontation than others. Some relationships you can slowly diminish.

An unhealthy relationship isn’t just abusive. Maybe this person is always negative and leaves you feeling negative whenever you spend time with them. Or maybe this person finds ways to get favors from you but never does anything in return. Perhaps someone you spend time with is constantly knocking down your self-esteem. If this person is taking a toll on your mental, emotional, financial, or physical health, it may be time to consider the importance of this relationship. Understanding that it is not only okay, but important to end a relationship that isn’t suiting you is vital for health and happiness. 

For toxic relationships you can’t escape.

Some relationships are hard to escape because we are attached in many ways, family, for example. This doesn’t mean you have to have a full relationship with these people. If you come from a warm, supportive family, this may be hard to comprehend, and may not apply to you. BUT if you find yourself drained, shamed, abused, suffering, maybe it’s time to find distance. This might be controversial or counterintuitive, but there is only so much you can do to mend a relationship, even with your family of origin. Sometimes you are better off finding your family in other people.

The same goes for other relationships in your life that just simply can’t be completely cut off – in-laws, family friends, the mother or father of your child. There are ways to distance yourself without isolating yourself. Each time you have to interact with this person, remind yourself that they are only as much of your life as you let in. This is a great place to practice boundary setting. 

Be aware of your actions in the relationship.

This is important to be mindful of, especially in romantic relationships. Self-destruction isn’t always a result of the other person. Many times, it is coming from something inside yourself. If you find yourself self-destructing in a relationship, consider why.

A personal story – I was in a relationship for a long time that was not serving me, and I knew it. BUT I was terrified to end it. Instead, I found myself self-destructing. I realized afterward what I was doing. I found it easier to use my actions to end the relationship than my words. In the end, I wished I had had the courage just to be open and honest verbally.

Find time for yourself.

Others don’t define your self-worth. One relationship you just can’t escape is your relationship with yourself. Self-love is just as, if not more, important than loving others. A toxic relationship with yourself can be the most destructive. Some ways to mend this relationship – practice gratitude, do things you genuinely enjoy, give yourself a daily positive affirmation, positive self-talk. 

As humans we are relational beings. We thrive off of community, belonging, and support. It is one of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, after all. Relationships can be complicated and complex and may not always serve you. Relationships grow and change, just like us. What you need can shift throughout life, shifting your relationships with it. Healthy relationships provide us with more than we sometimes realize, and unhealthy relationships can take away more than we realize. Practice mindfulness in relationships and be aware of what you need in yours.